5 Assignment 09

For me, growing up as a immigrant in the United States, it was a struggle to find my own identity. After moving to the United States from the Dominican Republic, I struggled to find my own identity, was I Dominican or American, perhaps Dominican-American, or was I just a immigrant in the United States. Assimilating to the American culture wasn’t too hard for me, I learned English quickly which was a good thing since the kids in my neighborhood at the time didn’t speak Spanish. Making friends wasn’t hard either especially since kids are able to play with anyone. I was becoming more assimilated into the American culture and was starting to identify myself as a American. I became doubtful when a group of kids at my school would bully me because I had an accent and was from another country.  I started to believe that it didn’t matter how much I assimilated and acted American since I would never be “American” enough. My struggle with identity became worst when I went to visit my family back in the Dominican Republic after two years of living in the States. Over there I didn’t feel Latina enough and I was consistently getting teased by my own family members because my Spanish wasn’t the greatest since I only spoke Spanish with my parents and no one else. They would tease me because I was too Americanized for them. They wouldn’t call me by my name instead they called me  “gringa”. For me, it was crazy just to think how much my family considered me to have change when I was still the same person from before. I pretended like their comments didn’t affect me and would silently count down the days till my trip would end and I would finally return to New York. It wasn’t until I was a little older that I forgave them for it and understood where they were coming from. It wasn’t until the past couple of years I began to find my own identity and began to not care what others thought about me. These kinds of experiences can teach us a lot about society and the nature of oppression. It doesn’t matter how much you assimilate to society, in many situation people can view you as an outsider only because you have a different background then they do. According to Collins stereotypes play a huge role in the self-valuation and self-definition.

There has been plethora times in my life where I have felt/been treated like an “outsider”. The one that I will be talking about was how I felt like an outsider growing up in my own family. Growing up in my family I was the youngest of my siblings and cousins. I was also the darkest person in my family. My siblings would always joke around stating how I am adopted due to the fact that I was  darker than my parents and them. There was even a time during the summer where I went to the pool with my cousins and I ended up getting darker and they made a comment how I looked like Harriet Tubman, so I just walked away and then seconds later they asked where did I go and one of my cousins yelled out, she’s probably in the underground railroad. All of my cousins then proceeded  to laugh. My own family made me feel like an outsider all because I was  darker then them. They made it seem like being dark was a negative thing. That experience made me realize how people can be so quick to judge you for what you look like and not for who you are. In Patricia Hill-Collins’ essay “Learning from the Outsider Within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought”, she states how these experiences can teach us more about society and the nature of oppression. By going through these “outsider” moments she states how the marginalized groups have common experiences, which brings them together. She talks about how black women have been a marginalized group for the longest. With their many experiences of feeling like outsiders, black women found it really important to insist on self-definition, self-valuation, and the necessity for a Black female-centered analysis. This is significant because it is an important way of resisting the dehumanization experiences of the dominate group. The experiences of feeling like an outsider really helps you realize how society views differences, also being treated like an outsider brings you closer to the other outsiders where you soon form common understanding and bring awareness about such issues.

The feeling as if I did not belong or when I was being treated like an outsider occurred when I got married and became a new mom. I was raised in a Hispanic community and attended a Catholic school – for elementary and middle school. These elementary and middle school years were filled with a fairly predictable environment. Everyone new one another and shared the same values and traditions. For High School, I attended an Independent Prep School in Dobbs Ferry, New York. Here the environment was very different, however, I did not feel like an outsider. The majority of students were from different parts of New York or from other countries. Everybody worked together as a community and promoted an inclusive environment.

When I got married I moved to the Gramercy Park area over 20 years ago. As a young and new mom, my dream was that I would continue the Catholic School tradition with my kids. I put my son in the local Catholic School nursery program because according to the school, those students would get preference for their K-8 program. My son was the only Hispanic student in the class. From the get go we felt that we were being treated like an outsider by other parents. The class was primarily comprised of Irish students and run by class moms and a teacher that was seeking her certification. Although we participated and paid our tuition, dues and other costs, my son was not accepted to their K-8 program. When we questioned why he was not accepted, we were told that we had not attended weekly masses on a regular basis.

Following this incident, I left the school feeling devastated. I questioned my beliefs, who I was as a Hispanic woman, and even what was wrong with me. My frustration led to me reject the Catholic Church. I felt devalued and needed to redefine myself. Nevertheless, through the process of self-definition, hard work and perseverance my son has had an amazing education at a Manhattan private school. He has graduated from college and has an amazing job.

Oppression can come from institutions like “Catholic Schools. However, like Collins discusses in “Learning from the Outsider Within”, these experiences are opportunities to re-examine our culture and ourselves.

Coming from a society that has many prejudices like every other society, I had serval expectations to uphold as a Kuwaiti woman. Social obligations, family obligations, and many more were expected of me. Not living by society’s rules automatically made an individual an outsider.

When I was a freshman in The Gulf University of Science and Technology in Kuwait, I expected the students including myself to focus on studying and gaining a proper education. However, it was not the case, I was considered an outsider for not maintaining a very active social life (regularly attending societal functions) and not dressing up like the other girls. Because I came from a certain social class I was expected to be like the other girls in my class. Occasionally I would dress up like these girls and attend societal events, yet I was not always accepted. Although I was within this class and within this gender, I was not accepted because I didn’t uphold their standards regularly. On the occasions when I was accepted into this group, I still didn’t feel like my true myself. I felt like an outsider within my own group. In addition, as I was adjusting to this new university environment, I realized that although Kuwaiti women had several expectations to maintain, the Kuwaiti men had very few. These men came to university dressing up in any way they wanted to, sweat pants or dress shirts it didn’t matter.

This experience showed me the importance of self-value in terms of being an outsider. If I wanted to be an insider or a part of a group, I would have to erase all my individuality.

I think that “Learning from the outsider within,” by Patricia Hill-Collins, demonstrates to us how a person can be an outsider within their race, gender, etc. In my case I was considered an outsider within my own class and within my own gender. Although people outside of my group thought I belonged to my group, people inside my group considered me an outsider.

Working in customer service, I am frequently treated as an outsider. The service-class of a capitalistic industry is a medium through which those outside and above it- those who hold the means of production- can exercise power. This is done so in various degrees and the intention is, sometimes, to degrade. In relation to Collin’s work, these interactions end with the execution of power by some individual knowing that secrets about them reveled in said execution are kept safe, as insured by the system they carry out their business in.

Collins talks much about the advantages of being an outsider and how such a position is important to contributions of development in sociological work.   This perspective allows an outsider to see things without bias, patterns normally overlooked, or unnoticed, and gain valuable information that would be otherwise unattainable as someone who is trusted as being someone from within (Collins, 1986:15).

Collins focuses on Afro-American women as a group, but also emphasizes the importance for them to recognize that everyone in said group is their own individual with their own experiences and circumstances (Collins, 1986:16). This is an important parallel to draw between the outsider concept and the fact that other individuals, even in the same group may notice things another does not. Therefore, to properly evaluate the state of sociological discourses, Afro-American women must be able to document their ideas and submit them for evaluation by others.

Collins talks about the pursuit of creating and evaluating sociological discourses as if it is a tool to combat contemporary racism and sexism, which she observes as existing the subtlest ways. She refers to Judith Rollins experiences in which she was ignored while at work (Collins, 1986:18). Awareness experiences like these should be documented and considered through discourses. It can lead to realization of one’s imposed definition of their self by another group/individual. Such group/individual gains power the more they define an outsider. This can be used to separate and categorize outsiders, which renders them powerless. Collins notes that the two most effective ways to combat this is to resist and then create a definition of ones’ self without an external influence.

A time in which I was treated as an outsider was when I was in high school I had joined the junior varsity volleyball team in high school. I had felt like an outsider because the high school I attended was predominantly white people school. Being a Mexican I knew I was a minority and that fitting in wasn’t so easy. I had a diverse group of friends in the school but the team was mostly made up of tall white girls. They were always with each other in a group and I had initially joined the team with one of my best friends who was Puerto Rican but she had quit. It was difficult fitting in at times though they were nice to me they wouldn’t include me in events outside of the team while the rest of the team was invited. Eventually I made friends with other people who also were not in their group. Patricia Hill Collins in her essay “Learning from the Outsiders Within” states how these oppressive experiences can give us a lot to learn from. If we look at these experiences in a new light we can learn how by being exposed to this sort of treatments make us stronger and help us find ways of dealing and fighting against these forms of oppression. Instead of giving in and changing our habits in order to avoid the stereotypes, we should embrace it and use it to our advantage. Collins gives an example of this by using the stereotype that is targeted against black women about them being too assertive and not feminine enough. These statements are often used to oppress them but Collin says how instead black women should use their assertiveness to get what they need. By embracing these stereotypes that are meant to put us down we can gain confidence, learn how to deal with these issues, and learn to value oneself.

When I think of the word outsider, I think of something that doesn’t belong like a tomato in a fruit basket. Although it looks like a fruit and is shelved in the fruit section deep down its a vegetable, no matter how much the tomato looks or is placed like a fruit its a vegetable, an outsider. Much throughout my life I’ve lived in communities that were predominately made of a single race and it wasn’t mine, more often than not I would feel like I’m different walking through the streets or being in class. I recall one time I was walking home from school and a group of kids that were older than me walked by me saying a word in their language followed by a burst of laughter. I knew what the word meant but didn’t really understand what was really going on. The word they said meant Chinese, I didn’t really think much of it but as it began to occur more and more often with different kids and even by adults at times I began to understand that I wasn’t accepted to some extend for who I was, for being something I had no control in. I felt like I was different no just from the physical differences that stood us apart but on a deeper level, in a way I’m like a tomato in the supermarket being shelved next to all the fruits. In Patricia Hill-Collins’s, “Learning from the outsider within,” she talks about not letting what others think define who you are but rather allow yourself to define who you are, not to be succumbed by stereotypes or racial words. When I look at it today I can say that I will every now and then fall in line or be define by stereotypes, Collins believed that we should be rejecting them and let others judge us by the person we actually are.

Well I’ve always felt to some degree that I was an outsider in anything that I was a part of. I don’t exactly mesh perfectly in anything which is something that I am fine with, but it’s also something that does feel very isolating and makes me wonder how one would go about functioning normally. I sometimes find myself questioning minuscule actions just to make sure that I am doing things as others do them, purely because I don’t have this contextual subconscious knowledge about social norms and behaviors that seems so natural for everyone else. Of course, this is with the assumption that other people don’t feel the same way that I do, which I am sure isn’t the case at all. Yet, carefully extrapolating this isolation mindset that seems common among all people, leaves you with this… I guess confusion. Particularly as a male, generally speaking there’s a lot of things a guy can do that are just seen as creepy that if a woman were to do them, it would be fine. Which, I guess in turn, adds to that isolation and feeling as though you perhaps don’t belong to anything or anyone. What’s particularly fascinating is that everyone has their own reason for feeling as though they don’t belong, and all are unique to each individual, but the feeling itself is universal. However, it’s also something we’re apparently allergic to when it comes to helping others it seems. And I wish I knew why that was, perhaps it’s due to our growing comfort of having things the way that they are when they are good, and only focusing on ourselves when things are bad. I can’t be sure of it, really.

As for what Collins has to say about these experiences, from what I gather, is that it doesn’t permit you to be fully immersed as this unique experience to being not a part of the group creates a kind of unique group of its own? It seems to me that’s where she is headed, where you kinda have your foot in one group and the other foot in another group. And in doing so, you create this middle space that isn’t quite clearly defined where you essentially don’t belong to either but the middle doesn’t exist yet because of the nature of trying to fit in and trying to be a part of something that isn’t meant for you. At least that’s what I think that she’s getting at.

There have been countless times that I have felt like an outsider in my life and a lot of those experiences are too personal to share. Growing up, my mother was very strict about the education of me and my siblings. We would always have to have a two books on hand when we were going out- in case we finished one, we’d always have another one. We’d also always have to write weekly book reports, do our homework before anything social, review all the material for school and read ahead so we’d always know what was coming next. This strict regimen that I had to follow didn’t help me in elementary school. Going to a predominantly black school I would fit in perfectly. However, I was labeled an “oreo” by the rest of my classmates.The thought process what this: I was black on the outside because of my skin tone but white on the inside because of the way I carried myself. I didn’t use slang, I liked to read, I played the violin, I prefer classical, rock, alternative, jazz, pop, and country music to hip hop and rap, I took ballroom and tap dancing, outside of school I hung out with people with different backgrounds, I preferred converse to jordan’s and my clothes were from L.L Bean rather than whatever was popular back then. I didn’t have many friends, but I did have my twin sister, with whom I’d hang out with at lunch. Some of the friends I had before brushed me off as if they didn’t know me and snickered along with all the other kids in my class. Sometimes, they even got physical, which resulted in countless trips to the nurse’s office. I felt like an outsider because the one group of people that I thought was suppose to accept me, rejected me. My classmates talked to me when they needed me to help them with their work or when they wanted some of the snacks my mom packed for me in my lunchbox. I felt like I didn’t belong and my only escape for a long time was staying with my teachers, going to the nurse, or waiting for my mom to pick me up after school.

Patricia Hill-Collins’s believes these kinds of experiences can teach us that we could learn about oppression and sociality through shared experiences. She explains that although individuals may have different perspectives on specific experience, a group of people who have experienced the same thing will have common perceptions. But, with different factors such as age, sexuality, class, or education shaping an individual’s life, there will be different views of the commonalities shares within the group. She also says that once you are aware that you are being oppressed, you can validate a proper response to being oppressed. You are able to take control and affect the outcome of your experiences.

I have struggled with and have felt like an outsider most all of my life. As a gay Hispanic male I struggled with self acceptance and looked everywhere outside of myself to fill the voids I have felt. Society has dictated through the media that all homosexuals are flamboyant, have high pitched voices with a lisp, and are overly feminine. I did not understand that being gay was not set by these characteristics, that in fact it went beyond these stereotypes. Yet once I was able to become more self accepting and made gay friends, I found myself still struggling because for some gay men, I just was not gay enough. Adding to the complexity of finding my way, was my Puerto Rican and Spanish ethnicity. I am the oldest of my four siblings and it is goes unspoken that the eldest son of a single mom family takes on that father figure role. I grew up in my culture speaking Spanish fluently, yet never fit in with the gay Hispanics. Apparently because my skin is fairer and I do not have an accent, I was not thought of as a Spanish person by anyone. My family moved to Pennsylvania into a very white country town where we were one of 5 ethnically different, non white families. It was a complete shock and as Collin’s mentions the oppression I felt, I began to feel was better if I just blended. Eventually they would call me “whitey” and it carried with me far into adulthood even within the gay Hispanic community, as a way of keeping me on the outside of my own culture and heritage. And it even today when I go to my local Dominican family-owned bodega I am on the outside looking in. There will be a line, where the people in front of me will have full Spanish conversations with the owner, and when it comes my turn to checkout, the owner goes back to speaking English, even after I start the conversation in Spanish. No matter that I have told him over and over that I am Spanish he will always respond to me in English. I suppose as Patricia Collins writes in her essay, that I have used this to my advantage even though I did not realize it. It has given me different perspectives of the differences in Hispanic and gay culture, allowing me to become more accepting and more aware of myself.