å Sunday, November 5th, 2017

I have felt like an outsider most of my teenage years. Coming from a different country right before I became a teenager, I just did not seem to fit in with the rest of the kids. I wasn’t able to speak the language which made it a bit worse too. Kids in America just seemed to act different from the kids I was used to being around in my country. People didn’t used to laugh at you because you weren’t able to do something the way they did or because you weren’t able to act the way they did. I used to get bullied because I just wasn’t like the rest of them, but moving forward I don’t directly get bullied but I still feel like I don’t belong in certain places. The way I see people my age acting seems to be what everyone thinks is cool and what everyone wants to follow. But I don’t do as much as these kids do, I don’t party or drink or smoke or anything like that but that’s what most people my age seem to be doing now. Collings discuses how these experiences teach of the main reason why we feel like outsiders. She discusses how oppression utilizes these opportunities to make certain groups feel like less. I agree with her completely, because when people feel like this they will do anything to try to fit in or even lose their identity in the process. When we lose our identities we could easily be fooled to take on a fake one, where we could be completely controlled by the oppressor. So like she said, it is  important to keep a sense of our identity and culture as a way to remind ourselves who we really are. We give ourselves value, no matter the way others make us feel.

Patricia Hill Collins discusses in her essay “Learning from the Outsider Within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought” discusses the love that families had for each other from mixed backgrounds. Collins uses the example of black women riding buses to their white families and another example of white families discussing their love for their black mothers.

Although these families had different racial backgrounds, they still felt a sense of being an outsider. They felt as if they did not belong to their spouses as well.

Collins explains that although black families might feel like outsiders, that there is beauty in the fact that one can triumph against these kinds of racial differences, become a feminist, advocate, and a distinguished scholar.

Moreover, Collins explains that feminism varies from person to person and opinions of black feminists should not be weighted against each other. There is no single way of distinguishing which opinion is right or wrong. They do not create their own standards similar to what present day media portrays. Since there are different methods of oppression, there are different thoughts between each feminist.

One time where I felt like an outsider was when I was ordering a smoothie at Cold Stone Creamery. Everyone else on the line (approximately 25-50 people) were ordering ice cream. Although this is a simple example of what it feels like to be an outsider, it felt as if I wasn’t supposed to order a smoothie from there even though they do offer them. This situation is unique from other experiences of when a person would experience themselves feeling as if they were an outsider, which is what Collins hopes the reader will understand.

Society can make a person feel as if they are a minority in a majority if oppression is not resolved. The motif in this essay is that even in the tightest of situations a person can still feel different.

For my entire life, up until college I had grown up in a very synchronized, non-diverse, suburban town on eastern Long Island. Most shared the same class, race, political standing, etc. And while my family fit within many of these categories, I found myself an outsider due to being overweight, unlike most of my peers, neighbors, etc. Though I was not the only overweight youth in my town, I was one of the very few. For the longest time, even today, I felt excluded from the mass majority of people my age. I could never run as fast, wear the same types of clothing, or look anything like my friends and peers. I constantly feel inferior due to my body and the pressures media possess can make me feel even more so an outsider. In a world where woman’s bodies are constantly scrutinized, judged, labeled, etc. it feels frankly impossible for a girl of my size to not feel like an outsider. A woman’s value today seems to be determined by her appearance in so many peoples’ perceptions. I at times feel oppressed being an outsider, because many devalue me as a person simply based on my appearance, while my true self is dismissively overlooked.

I can connect my feelings of being an outsider to Paticia Hill-Collin’s essay, “Learning from the Outsider Within” by focusing on what she says about stereotypes and how they can be a defense mechanism against threats to the patriarchy. When discussing African American woman and how stereotypes can make them feel devalued, she notes how these stereotypes could have been constructed so that black woman would not threaten the power of white men. (page S17) I think that what Hill-Collin is trying to say is that if we let stereotyping control us, and devalue us, we are just giving up our power to those that already hold it most. Connecting this concept to my own life, stereotypes surrounding overweight woman can make us feel powerless. That we are lazy, ugly, undesirable, etc. These labels can strip away our self-worth. But if we can take what Patricia Hill-Collin is saying, and look at our feelings of being outsiders, and interpret that as an advantage, we can fight these feelings oppression. Maybe if I stop letting these nasty stereotypes against overweight woman control me, and see my body as something that has taught me strength and a clearer perspective, I can feel more inner power.

My experience with being treated like and outsider would be back when I had switched schools. I was instantly targeted for by the new kid and was routinely made fun of because of it. The people who bothered stopped after a while since I just stopped reacting to their actions, but I noticed that I wasn’t the only person who was targeted as well. In that school anyone new was targeted by the others, it didn’t matter what race or gender you were back then, if you were new the other children would just bully you just to do it. After they just got tired of doing it you were actually taken in by the group that bullied you. This happened to me and several other people that after we were bullied the people who bullied us would just accept us into their little group. I know that my experience doesn’t fit with the theme that Collins has but it was the only time were I felt truly alone as an outsider. What I learned from that experience besides that people in general are just unpleasant jackasses was that If I could outlast the person bullying me they would tire themselves out from doing it and I didn’t have to deal with it anymore, which to be honest was a bad thing to learn because that would mean people wouldn’t speak out when they should. That connect with Collins had going about sharing the outsider experience with others because I did become friends a lot easily with the people who were also bullied. The thing was that the people who bullied us and later took us into their groups would also influence the way we, the people who were bullied, would look at anyone else who was new. It start a vicious cycle of a new person being bullied and if they stayed in school long enough to be accepted into the group that they too would start to bully the next new person just like how they themselves were bullied. It showed me that it was incredibly easy to switch sides once you’re a part of a group because you get infected with that group mentality and would bully others even if you didn’t want to.

It is very hard to share the experience of when I felt like an outsider. Of course, as every individual I felt that feeling and it is not a pleasant one. We as individuals need people around us because it is completely impossible to live like a lone wolf. Even wolves live in packs. So, the feeling of being left alone is a very strong feeling and it evokes different kinds of emotions. In my case I felt like an outsider was when me and my family moved to Moscow.

However before that I need to give a little backstory. Originally I’m from country called Kazakhstan and this country is known for its friendliness to other people from other nationalities. There are about one hundred and twenty different nationalities that live in my country right now. Since childhood we are taught to respect others and respect their customs. So, at the age of twelve me and my family moved to Moscow and it was completely different experience. I will not say that Russia is racist to other people and I will not imply that because it is dissuasion for another day. However, I started to first feel like an outsider when I went to a new school. Kids were not very glad to see me so there was a special kind of oppression. It was based just on the understanding that I look different, that I’m Asian even though Kazakhstan is partly in Europe and I’m a mix between European and Asian. So, there was an oppression on race and it was simply a discrimination. Even my parents, as they said me later, experienced it on work in some way.

Thus, these kinds of oppressive experiences perhaps make us stronger and more aware of these problems. In addition, Patricia Hill-Clinton mentions it too. Her understanding of this, I believe, is very simple and true. She states that these experiences bond us together and it does not matter where we come from and who we are.

For me, growing up as a immigrant in the United States, it was a struggle to find my own identity. After moving to the United States from the Dominican Republic, I struggled to find my own identity, was I Dominican or American, perhaps Dominican-American, or was I just a immigrant in the United States. Assimilating to the American culture wasn’t too hard for me, I learned English quickly which was a good thing since the kids in my neighborhood at the time didn’t speak Spanish. Making friends wasn’t hard either especially since kids are able to play with anyone. I was becoming more assimilated into the American culture and was starting to identify myself as a American. I became doubtful when a group of kids at my school would bully me because I had an accent and was from another country.  I started to believe that it didn’t matter how much I assimilated and acted American since I would never be “American” enough. My struggle with identity became worst when I went to visit my family back in the Dominican Republic after two years of living in the States. Over there I didn’t feel Latina enough and I was consistently getting teased by my own family members because my Spanish wasn’t the greatest since I only spoke Spanish with my parents and no one else. They would tease me because I was too Americanized for them. They wouldn’t call me by my name instead they called me  “gringa”. For me, it was crazy just to think how much my family considered me to have change when I was still the same person from before. I pretended like their comments didn’t affect me and would silently count down the days till my trip would end and I would finally return to New York. It wasn’t until I was a little older that I forgave them for it and understood where they were coming from. It wasn’t until the past couple of years I began to find my own identity and began to not care what others thought about me. These kinds of experiences can teach us a lot about society and the nature of oppression. It doesn’t matter how much you assimilate to society, in many situation people can view you as an outsider only because you have a different background then they do. According to Collins stereotypes play a huge role in the self-valuation and self-definition.

There has been plethora times in my life where I have felt/been treated like an “outsider”. The one that I will be talking about was how I felt like an outsider growing up in my own family. Growing up in my family I was the youngest of my siblings and cousins. I was also the darkest person in my family. My siblings would always joke around stating how I am adopted due to the fact that I was  darker than my parents and them. There was even a time during the summer where I went to the pool with my cousins and I ended up getting darker and they made a comment how I looked like Harriet Tubman, so I just walked away and then seconds later they asked where did I go and one of my cousins yelled out, she’s probably in the underground railroad. All of my cousins then proceeded  to laugh. My own family made me feel like an outsider all because I was  darker then them. They made it seem like being dark was a negative thing. That experience made me realize how people can be so quick to judge you for what you look like and not for who you are. In Patricia Hill-Collins’ essay “Learning from the Outsider Within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought”, she states how these experiences can teach us more about society and the nature of oppression. By going through these “outsider” moments she states how the marginalized groups have common experiences, which brings them together. She talks about how black women have been a marginalized group for the longest. With their many experiences of feeling like outsiders, black women found it really important to insist on self-definition, self-valuation, and the necessity for a Black female-centered analysis. This is significant because it is an important way of resisting the dehumanization experiences of the dominate group. The experiences of feeling like an outsider really helps you realize how society views differences, also being treated like an outsider brings you closer to the other outsiders where you soon form common understanding and bring awareness about such issues.

The feeling as if I did not belong or when I was being treated like an outsider occurred when I got married and became a new mom. I was raised in a Hispanic community and attended a Catholic school – for elementary and middle school. These elementary and middle school years were filled with a fairly predictable environment. Everyone new one another and shared the same values and traditions. For High School, I attended an Independent Prep School in Dobbs Ferry, New York. Here the environment was very different, however, I did not feel like an outsider. The majority of students were from different parts of New York or from other countries. Everybody worked together as a community and promoted an inclusive environment.

When I got married I moved to the Gramercy Park area over 20 years ago. As a young and new mom, my dream was that I would continue the Catholic School tradition with my kids. I put my son in the local Catholic School nursery program because according to the school, those students would get preference for their K-8 program. My son was the only Hispanic student in the class. From the get go we felt that we were being treated like an outsider by other parents. The class was primarily comprised of Irish students and run by class moms and a teacher that was seeking her certification. Although we participated and paid our tuition, dues and other costs, my son was not accepted to their K-8 program. When we questioned why he was not accepted, we were told that we had not attended weekly masses on a regular basis.

Following this incident, I left the school feeling devastated. I questioned my beliefs, who I was as a Hispanic woman, and even what was wrong with me. My frustration led to me reject the Catholic Church. I felt devalued and needed to redefine myself. Nevertheless, through the process of self-definition, hard work and perseverance my son has had an amazing education at a Manhattan private school. He has graduated from college and has an amazing job.

Oppression can come from institutions like “Catholic Schools. However, like Collins discusses in “Learning from the Outsider Within”, these experiences are opportunities to re-examine our culture and ourselves.

Coming from a society that has many prejudices like every other society, I had serval expectations to uphold as a Kuwaiti woman. Social obligations, family obligations, and many more were expected of me. Not living by society’s rules automatically made an individual an outsider.

When I was a freshman in The Gulf University of Science and Technology in Kuwait, I expected the students including myself to focus on studying and gaining a proper education. However, it was not the case, I was considered an outsider for not maintaining a very active social life (regularly attending societal functions) and not dressing up like the other girls. Because I came from a certain social class I was expected to be like the other girls in my class. Occasionally I would dress up like these girls and attend societal events, yet I was not always accepted. Although I was within this class and within this gender, I was not accepted because I didn’t uphold their standards regularly. On the occasions when I was accepted into this group, I still didn’t feel like my true myself. I felt like an outsider within my own group. In addition, as I was adjusting to this new university environment, I realized that although Kuwaiti women had several expectations to maintain, the Kuwaiti men had very few. These men came to university dressing up in any way they wanted to, sweat pants or dress shirts it didn’t matter.

This experience showed me the importance of self-value in terms of being an outsider. If I wanted to be an insider or a part of a group, I would have to erase all my individuality.

I think that “Learning from the outsider within,” by Patricia Hill-Collins, demonstrates to us how a person can be an outsider within their race, gender, etc. In my case I was considered an outsider within my own class and within my own gender. Although people outside of my group thought I belonged to my group, people inside my group considered me an outsider.

Working in customer service, I am frequently treated as an outsider. The service-class of a capitalistic industry is a medium through which those outside and above it- those who hold the means of production- can exercise power. This is done so in various degrees and the intention is, sometimes, to degrade. In relation to Collin’s work, these interactions end with the execution of power by some individual knowing that secrets about them reveled in said execution are kept safe, as insured by the system they carry out their business in.

Collins talks much about the advantages of being an outsider and how such a position is important to contributions of development in sociological work.   This perspective allows an outsider to see things without bias, patterns normally overlooked, or unnoticed, and gain valuable information that would be otherwise unattainable as someone who is trusted as being someone from within (Collins, 1986:15).

Collins focuses on Afro-American women as a group, but also emphasizes the importance for them to recognize that everyone in said group is their own individual with their own experiences and circumstances (Collins, 1986:16). This is an important parallel to draw between the outsider concept and the fact that other individuals, even in the same group may notice things another does not. Therefore, to properly evaluate the state of sociological discourses, Afro-American women must be able to document their ideas and submit them for evaluation by others.

Collins talks about the pursuit of creating and evaluating sociological discourses as if it is a tool to combat contemporary racism and sexism, which she observes as existing the subtlest ways. She refers to Judith Rollins experiences in which she was ignored while at work (Collins, 1986:18). Awareness experiences like these should be documented and considered through discourses. It can lead to realization of one’s imposed definition of their self by another group/individual. Such group/individual gains power the more they define an outsider. This can be used to separate and categorize outsiders, which renders them powerless. Collins notes that the two most effective ways to combat this is to resist and then create a definition of ones’ self without an external influence.